I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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