the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
