so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Randomize
