I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
