I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
