just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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