I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
