I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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