Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
