You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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