We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
