You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
