it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
