I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize