HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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