i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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