I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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