dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
