I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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