So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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