You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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