I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
