Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
