Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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