You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize