I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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