Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize