i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
