My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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