He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i believe in u and ur pee
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