remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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