i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
