I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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