so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
