dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
