You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
