i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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