So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
