I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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