I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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