So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
