thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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