I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
