either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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