guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
