Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
