I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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