Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
