i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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