the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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