You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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