So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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