Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
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