he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Randomize
