I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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