I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
