this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
