Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
where does the pee come out of this thing
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
