someone threw a dead crab at me
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize