4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
