Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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