I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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