the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
