Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
