But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
