A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
