she takes plan B like it's going out of style
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
