Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
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I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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