My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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